They say there are thirteen different smiles in Thailand, each having its own individual meaning and undertones. Well, since I have been here, they have had to add a few more! Living in Thailand can be a very uniquely amusing experience. One would think that, after ten years, one would have seen it all but the surprises and delights keep flowing.
You know you are in Thailand when you encounter an elephant on the sidewalk with a battery operated red light suspended from its tail (in accordance with local traffic regulations, of course). It is considered good luck, particularly if you have been experiencing a bad streak, to crawl underneath and elephant’s belly three times. Of course, it is bad luck if the beast decides to take a break at the time and lay down!
Years ago, my wife and I were walking along one of the busiest streets in Bangkok and I felt something reaching into my back pocket. I swung around, prepared to defend us from assault and/or robbery only to find myself face to face with a baby elephant!
The Thais are not very subtle with their compliments nor their queries. They think nothing about asking you how much money you make, whether or not you are married, have children, and, if not, why not? If you have purchased something, they not only want to know what you bought but how much you paid for it. Of course, being a foreigner, you always end up paying more than a local would and draw one of their thirteen smiles, the one denoting a composite of derision and pity.
A close female friend of my wife one day remarked to her, “My! You must have been beautiful when you were young!” Imagine saying that to a woman in the West! You would be picking yourself up from the next block over! Gwen, however, took it in stride and added one more smile of her own to the list that I thought had been only reserved for me.
Such is not solely the domain of the female of the species. My closest Thai male friend, Own, and I were having a philosophical discussion late one evening and he was desperately trying to make a point that was a complete non-sequitor. I finally had enough and said in an exasperated tone, “Okay! You win!”
“Thank God,” He said. “I thought you were just stupid!”
I just smiled. (Add another to the list.)
I love Thailand, its culture and its people! They are a gentle people and not prone to violence. In fact, they will go out of their way to avoid confrontation. Ever hear of a Buddhist Jihad, Holy War or Crusade? I rest my case.
Of course, the language differences are always a good source for a smile, like seeing “lamp” chops being offered on the menu. But it is a sword that cuts both ways. Many years ago (40, to be close), I intended to ask a waitress to bring me a large milk and, instead, asked her to bring me big breasts! The word is the same, just a different tone. Throughout the rest of my breakfast, the two of us cracked up every time she neared the table.
I once met a jeweler, named Tommy Heng. He was not only the leading jeweler in Bangkok but the head of the Chinese mafia there, unbeknown to me at the time. At first, when I would enter his shop, his assistant took care of me and we would spend hours going through different gems. I knew how to play the game. His assistant would converse with Tommy in Thai and do all his figuring in Chinese. I am fluent in both but never revealed the slightest hint to either of them. Upon my third visit, I noticed that Tommy chose to wait on me. After a long Thai while and a few beers, he asked me where I had attained my knowledge of gems.
“Right here,” I replied. I have never shopped for any gems before.”
He seem somewhat nonplussed. “Then how do you know what my bottom prices are?”
I smiled, reaching for a pad of paper and a pen and starting writing in Chinese while speaking in Thai.
Tommy fell off his stool laughing! “You Sunny Beach! he exclaimed! “I want you as a friend, not my enemy. You are too clever! From this time on, you are my brother.” And I was right up until the time he passed on into a “Land of Even Greater Smiles.
Many of my smiles (and worse) have not derived from the Thais at all, but from the foreigners who visit here. Sometimes, they can seem so garish and boisterous compared to what I have become accustomed to. When I do return to the West, I will be due for a terminal case of culture shock, for sure, and that’s nothing to smile about.
I will miss the Land Of Smiles but there will alway be a smile in my heart when I think of all I have experienced and learned here.